Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Red Cross Flood Relief Site

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE?

Intercepted!

C&J's chocolate lab, Molly, returned home last night and dropped this in our lap:

INTERNAL & CONFIDENTIAL

May 17, 2011

Gentlemen,

It has been apparent for some time now that the current field of GOP presidential candidates is not up to the task of facing Barack Obama in 2012. Each carries assorted baggage (marital infidelity, serial flip-flopping, cardboard personality, being a former CEO of a tastes-like-cardboard pizza chain, etc.) that ensures our party may not even make it out of the starting gate. This is unacceptable.

In the wake of a closed-door meeting with top GOP consultants, the members of the Secret Society have concluded that drastic times call for drastic measures. To that end we are in agreement:

We must draft Bush.

No, not Neil, the black sheep. Nor Jeb, who has all but admitted that his last name has given his first name a bad name.

I'm speaking, of course, of George Herbert Walker Bush.

There are ample reasons why the senior Bush is perfect: He has actual Oval Office experience. Unlike his son, he concluded a war and brought the troops home. Thanks to his two terms as Vice President from 1981 to 1989, he still has molecules of CO2 exhaled by Ronald Reagan circulating in his body, making him a walking shrine. And unlike the current crop of Republican candidates, he can tell time.

Can Bush, Sr. really go up against Barack Obama? We've thought this over carefully and, yes, we believe he can. In fact, we contend he can go one better than Obama. For example, instead of ordering strikes from the comfort of the Situation Room, George H.W. Bush will parachute into terrorist hideouts himself and capture evildoers with his bare hands. (But he'll bring an aide with a bazooka just in case they're particularly stubborn.)

Some might say that, at 86, he's really old. We say he's really experienced. However, we do admit that we'll want to avoid certain head-to-head competitions with Mr. Obama, such as, believe it or not, bowling.

You might be asking yourself if this is legal. Yes! Mr. Bush only served one term as president, which means he's got one left in his electoral quiver. Finally, the Republican party will have it's own Grover Cleveland.

We urge you to take this proposal seriously. We've set up a special pre-exploratory exploratory committee called "PoppyPAC" (not to be confused with Poppypac). We urge you to give generously as we ramp up our operation to take back America. As soon as we raise a thousand bales of cash, we can re-unleash the thousand points of light. It will be a momentous day when we go to Kennebunkport and tell Mr. Bush: "Read?our?lips. You?are?drafted."

Seriously. It's all we got.

Sincerely,

Randolph Abercrombie Winthorp "Skip" Throckmorton IV
Secretary
The Secret Society

P.S. As for the First Ladies, it will be no contest. Michelle Obama's biceps may be "guns," but Bar is 100 percent "battle axe."

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